A late night
by groovygurlkatie
Summary: sam struggles with having lucifer in his head TRIGGER WARNING:SELF HARM
1. Chapter 1

"_Sammy why are you trying to sleep, lets taaaaaalk" _Lucifer said dragging out the word talk, as he sat on the end of my bed at the cheap motel we were staying at.

Dean was on the bed next to me asleep, he had told me to wake him up if I needed anything. I knew I wouldn't even as I told him I would. Maybe at one point in time I would try and talk this out with Dean make it better, work through it. But I knew we were long past the point in time were talking helped.

Besides how could I be as selfish as to worry him more. I knew he thought I was crazy I was about to make him think so more then he already did.

"_Sammy, come on, talk to me baby."_

I gritted my teeth and dug my finger nails into the cut on my hand, trying to make him go away. I hated him calling me Sammy, only Dean could do that, not that he did anymore. I wasn't Sammy to him anymore, I was a stranger in Sammy's body.

I could feel tears pricking at my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall, I wasn't going to feel bad for myself. This was all your fault to begin with, you killed thousands of people.

"Sammy, you revealing in your accomplishment of starting the apocalypse for me"

"Shut up" I mumbled back to him so I wouldn't wake Dean.

"Why whisper Sam, you know he won't wake up, he's not real none of this is real. The apocalypse is still happening and you're down and hell burning with me and Mikey, stop fooling yourself."

As much as I dug my fingers into my hand it just wouldn't hurt enough to make him disappear the wound had begun to heal and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I could see flashes of hell fire around me the more he talked. Maybe I was crazy maybe none of this was real and I was still back in hell.

"Sammy, you're not gonna get rid of me with that old cut of yours, watch this" Lucifer taunted

Suddenly I was surrounded by the vision of a burning room, I could feel the fire burning my flesh, smell the charred sweet smell it being cooked, hear the sizzle as it popped. I could feel the my eyes begin to melt in there sockets, but it wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was my mother trapped up against the ceiling burning calling for me to help her, while I stood helpless watching her burn unable to move. Jessica reaching out and crying for me to save her, Jo and Ellen holding one another with the big slash in Jo's stomach still bleeding profusely as they both sat there crying staring at me accusingly. Maddison's body laying on the ground bullet hole right in between her lifeless eyes. Dean's body lying on the ground ripped up like the hell hounds left him.

Everyone I had ever hurt or let down lay right in front of me. I pressed into my cut hard enough to break skin and looked around at the motel room.

"That was fun huh, Sammy"

I ignored Lucifer as I quietly picked up my hunting knife and slipped into the bathroom.

I looked down at my hand, it was bleeding some from were I had pressed down hard enough to draw blood.

I thought how I failed to rescue Dean from hell, how I wasn't good enough to save him. How he had to suffer for a whole year because of me. How someone else had to come and save him because I was to weak.

I pressed the knife down against the scar and ripped back open. White hot pain shot through me and I grabbed the sink to hold on, as I stood there and looked around I noticed Lucifer was gone. I wrapped my hand back up and put the knife back were it was and laid down and pretended as if it was actually possible for to fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I wasn't going to write more to this story, but I was asked to so here you go I hope you like it

I knew I shouldn't have said those things to Dean I shouldn't of made it out to be his fault. He was giving me my soul back because he thought it would help, but I couldn't help it. He forced a soul into me that wasn't mine and I was tired.

"_Oh, Sammy, you going to mope about making Dean sad?" Lucifer taunted_

I just wanted to scream how could I have stooped so low as to take drugs. How could I had got us in to this mess, now I was stuck here while Dean was off taking care of the leviathans.

I could hear Lucifer singing but I tried my best to ignore and focus on other thoughts, unfortunately my other thoughts consisted of how I had failed as person and its repercussions.

"_I like this ward, just me and you all to ourselves, wanna see what we can get up to" He finished with a wink._

I knew he was doing it just to get to me and I shouldn't let it, but it did get to me. How did I fuck up so badly that this was my punishment. To be trapped in a constant hell even when I wasn't in hell, or was I, I wasn't even sure anymore.

I closed my eyes and reopened them to the sight of Jessicas body on the ceiling, the image that had been permanently burned into my skull.

Every time Lucifer showed me her body again it hurt just as bad, her death was my fault I caused it if I had just stayed away from her she'd be alive. I could still remember her crying mother on the phone trying to console me as she was falling apart too, when it was my fault her daughter was dead.

"Will you stop?!" I shouted getting annoyed

"_Why, Sammy, are you not enjoying watching your dead girlfriends face twist in agony as the flesh on her body melts off"_

I didn't answer knowing he'd get the message.

_After a exaggerated sigh he said "fine, how do you like this"_

Dean stood standing in front of me tears in his eyes but none of them falling. I could hear growling of dogs all around me and then suddenly Dean was knocked to the ground. I watched as he screamed louder then I knew was humanly possible, as chunks of his fleshed disappeared into invisible mouths. I could hear the ripping of his flesh, the snap of his bones between their teeth.

"STOP IT!" I screamed at Lucifer struggling to save Dean, who wasn't really there.

Security ran into the room and struggled to get me on the bed, but my mind uncomprehendingly still trying to save Dean. After they strapped me to the bed Lucifer came and sat down next me trailing a icy cold finger down my face.

"_Looks like you're going to die here like this" I begin struggling again screaming to be let go._


End file.
